Bienvenue chez moi! Welcome in my home!

At that time of the night

I wake up.  It’s dark outside.  I am still a bit sleepy.  I go to the bathroom.  I came back to my room, I really need to sleep.  But my brain is fully awake.  I can’t fall asleep, not yet.  So as usual, I let my mind to wonder.  I remember the conversation I had today, the things I said, not especially the most important one but only the ones that stick to my memories.  People’s attitude, the atmosphere around me, my feelings…

And then the questions, sometimes the same, sometimes different.  I am changing it’s true.  Do I like it?  I think so.  But a new question arises among all others, who am I now?  I try really hard every to be just myself, but how can I do that if I don’t know who I am anymore? 

Pete told me I can then be whoever I want, so the new question is: what do I want?  I need some changes, something new is happening, I can feel it but that scares me.  My feelings are different, my attitude, my needs…

Where could I find some help, someone who can understand that I feel lost and insecure, that I am afraid by this new sensation.  I know what I would need but am I ready for it?  Is everybody else around me ready for this? 

I don’t know, I just think, my brain works hard, it doesn’t stop until the sleep comes back again, I am so tired, I need some rest, it’s too late, at that time of the night….

Ecrit par Pascale66, le Vendredi 15 Septembre 2006, 10:09 dans la rubrique "Moi".

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